brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
