I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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