I must be too annoying 4 u.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
