tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
