Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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