grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
