you guys were way drunker than both of me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You made out with two different species that night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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