he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
