Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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