i already hear my dad disowning me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
