Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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