dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
