sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
