It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
