If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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