hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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