dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
