Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
