Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
