my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
