Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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