I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize
