last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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