He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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