I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
