Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
