dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
