i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
