I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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