How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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