Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
