hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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