i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
