Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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