That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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