Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
