Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
