What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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