all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
