She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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