if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
