My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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