i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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