I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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