i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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