i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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