So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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