my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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