I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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