I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
