and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
